I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
it was like eating out sand paper
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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