I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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