Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
