Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Randomize
