a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
