Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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