Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize