I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
