dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
