i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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