6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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