The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
