We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
