She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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