YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She even gives head with a lisp.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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