His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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