I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I intend to get homeless drunk
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
