The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
