started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
