I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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