Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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