the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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