Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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