i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
