Swine flu. Run for my life!
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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