She is in my trunk
I feel great
I just peed on a car
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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