all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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