I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
