Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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