The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Randomize
