Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
