You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
