Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
