Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
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