do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
