lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
