I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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