I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
She said her name was "party"
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
