I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
