The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
birth control should be required to get into college
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
