4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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