I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
