I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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