im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
