Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
