Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
