there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
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