i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
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