you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
