whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
is wine microwaveable?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
