What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize