When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
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