I think I won the penis lottery.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
