I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
