Sry I called you an 8
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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