guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Four minutes until I can fart!
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
