Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
