tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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