I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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