We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
