He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
