I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
