If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
The adults are the big ones right?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
