Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
