So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
