Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
